you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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