The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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