A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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