just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
