No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
