I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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