i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
