I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
