i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
