1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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