That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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