i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
