i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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