okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
