Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
