is wine microwaveable?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
