I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
