I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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