I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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