If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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