i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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