then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your cock deserves a montage
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
