I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
