Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
