The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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