he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
