Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
