Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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