It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
