The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
