were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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