I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
