gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
