I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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