he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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