I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
