I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
