google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
