She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
