youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
