Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
