Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
