There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there's paper in my vomit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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