Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am naked and annoyed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
