My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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