Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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