I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
