Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
