I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
