he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
