What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
