i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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