i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
