I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
