can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
