grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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