she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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