Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize