i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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