the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
